I’ve had a remarkable number of people call me today, email me, text me, and send me Facebook messages wishing me a happy birthday. (Which I appreciated so much.) I had a few people ask me how my birthday was going, and I think in each case I said, “fine.” I didn’t quite know how to answer because, “it doesn’t suck!” seems like a weird response, but it’s what I was thinking. A couple people saw my Facebook birthday wish about answering old emails today and they told me I should let the work wait. And I understood that sentiment even though I felt so much better to get some work off my plate. It’s been a good-but-busy summer, and I’ve had very little time to myself, so getting work done was actually a bit exhilarating. Definitely a relief.
So here’s the thing about my birthday being “fine.” A year ago yesterday my mother had major surgery on her lungs. I woke up the next morning on my birthday vomiting with one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. Last year my birthday sucked. A lot. And while a lot of good things happened for me in my 43rd year, a lot of not-good things happened too. My mother almost died from a reaction to chemotherapy. My son missed six weeks (not consecutive) of school because he had walking pneumonia and other tenacious viruses. I injured myself last September in a yoga class, and it took PT and chiro and being really careful with myself for about 7 months to not be in pain all the time. I went on a very restrictive diet to try to get rid of my migraines, giving up almost every food that I love for three months (and some things permanently). I cried in grocery stores looking at aisles full of items I could not eat. I worried about my mom. I worried about my son. I thought I might never be pain-free after this stupid yoga injury. I was so stressed all the time that I couldn’t really enjoy teaching the way I usually do. That was hard. All of it was hard.
Today I woke up without a migraine. So right there, before my head came off the pillow, I was thankful for that gift. The stupid restrictive diet works wonders (read "Heal Your Headache" by Buchholz if you or someone you love is a headache sufferer), and I’ve been mostly migraine-free for over nine months. Special thanks to my dear friend Emi Clark for shoving that book into my hands and saying, “Just read it.” My pain from my stupid-yoga injury is gone. For a while I couldn’t walk three blocks without my hips hurting. Now I can walk/run/climb mountains for miles and feel no pain. (Well, ok, my right pinky toe currently hurts a bit from being maimed by the puppy-in-law two weeks ago, but mostly no pain.) These things are gifts. HUGE gifts. My middle-schooled aged son let me kiss him in public today without yelling at me. That is a gift. I have a play going into rehearsal next week. That is a gift. I got to go to the lakefront twice today! Once for a walk on my own and again later with my boys for a quick trip to the beach. These are gifts. But honestly, the biggest deal is that my mother came over tonight for dinner and she was feeling really good for literally the first time in a year. I could not have asked for a better gift than that.
There was cake. I got lovely presents. I ate veggies from my garden. I answered some of my work emails. I had positive thoughts about my appearance. I had a quiet dinner with my family. On paper it doesn’t sound like a monumental birthday. A bit low key. "Fine." But I am acutely aware of how different things could look. So much has gotten better since a year ago. Sure, a lot of things got worse first, but I am so grateful for the turn around. And so grateful for the perspective and clarity I’ve gained. My birthday wasn’t just “fine.” It was decidedly not-shitty. That may not sound like something to aspire to, but it is. It really is.
So here’s the thing about my birthday being “fine.” A year ago yesterday my mother had major surgery on her lungs. I woke up the next morning on my birthday vomiting with one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had. Last year my birthday sucked. A lot. And while a lot of good things happened for me in my 43rd year, a lot of not-good things happened too. My mother almost died from a reaction to chemotherapy. My son missed six weeks (not consecutive) of school because he had walking pneumonia and other tenacious viruses. I injured myself last September in a yoga class, and it took PT and chiro and being really careful with myself for about 7 months to not be in pain all the time. I went on a very restrictive diet to try to get rid of my migraines, giving up almost every food that I love for three months (and some things permanently). I cried in grocery stores looking at aisles full of items I could not eat. I worried about my mom. I worried about my son. I thought I might never be pain-free after this stupid yoga injury. I was so stressed all the time that I couldn’t really enjoy teaching the way I usually do. That was hard. All of it was hard.
Today I woke up without a migraine. So right there, before my head came off the pillow, I was thankful for that gift. The stupid restrictive diet works wonders (read "Heal Your Headache" by Buchholz if you or someone you love is a headache sufferer), and I’ve been mostly migraine-free for over nine months. Special thanks to my dear friend Emi Clark for shoving that book into my hands and saying, “Just read it.” My pain from my stupid-yoga injury is gone. For a while I couldn’t walk three blocks without my hips hurting. Now I can walk/run/climb mountains for miles and feel no pain. (Well, ok, my right pinky toe currently hurts a bit from being maimed by the puppy-in-law two weeks ago, but mostly no pain.) These things are gifts. HUGE gifts. My middle-schooled aged son let me kiss him in public today without yelling at me. That is a gift. I have a play going into rehearsal next week. That is a gift. I got to go to the lakefront twice today! Once for a walk on my own and again later with my boys for a quick trip to the beach. These are gifts. But honestly, the biggest deal is that my mother came over tonight for dinner and she was feeling really good for literally the first time in a year. I could not have asked for a better gift than that.
There was cake. I got lovely presents. I ate veggies from my garden. I answered some of my work emails. I had positive thoughts about my appearance. I had a quiet dinner with my family. On paper it doesn’t sound like a monumental birthday. A bit low key. "Fine." But I am acutely aware of how different things could look. So much has gotten better since a year ago. Sure, a lot of things got worse first, but I am so grateful for the turn around. And so grateful for the perspective and clarity I’ve gained. My birthday wasn’t just “fine.” It was decidedly not-shitty. That may not sound like something to aspire to, but it is. It really is.
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